Three, Two, One…Write!

When I first enrolled in this class, I did so because I wanted to improve my grade compared to the first time I took it.  I was determined to advance my writing skills, and think I have since accomplished that.  I thought the blog was a unique way for students to be able to write their essays and review essays of their peers.  I almost didn’t continue with the course because I was afraid I would overwhelm myself, but I ultimately decided it would be for the best.  In the end it was a lot of work, but I really enjoyed my experience the second time around.

                I have never actually had a blog before and it was a great experience for writing whether responding to a simple prompt, or expressing what happened throughout my day.  I really enjoyed waking up, reading the essays, and responding to them every day.  I found it easiest to read the prompt twice and then immediately start writing about a topic that was relevant to my life.

                The first essay, “Shame Essay” dealt with my experience of a public speaking course I was forced to take after switching majors from Radiology to an Accounting.  After reading the prompt I took a while and let my brain ponder a topic to write about.  When it finally came to me I remembered how significant that moment was in my life, and I felt that I could portray my feelings very well.  I didn’t use any form of brainstorming, I just simply started typing and trying to make the essay as detailed as possible.  This was probably one of my favorite essays which I wrote, and I enjoyed being able to use detail and share my moment with others.

                The essay titled “Where’s the Professor”, was also another one of my favorite essays that I wrote for the class.  The reason I really liked the way this essay turned out is because it was such an exciting prompt to respond to.  I thoroughly enjoyed being creative in developing the different groups and knowing the actual professors would never see them.  It was a silent revenge which turned out to be a very enjoyable writing experience.  I did end up using a brainstorming technique on this essay, which is probably the only time throughout the whole class.  The type of prewriting I used consisted of forming the different groups in which to classify my professors.  I read the essay and the prompt twice, then sat down and developed six very different categories.  After posting the essay to blogger and deciding to use it in my final portfolio, I went back and added another group.  The main reason I did this was because after reading it again I felt like the essay was lacking.  I pulled out my brainstorming sheet from when I first wrote the essay and picked another group from the list.  I think it worked well to brainstorm this prompt and I’m very pleased with the way it turned out.

                Another one of my essays written over the course was titled “Time Flies”.  After I read the essay “Words Left Unspoken” I knew immediately what I wanted to write about.  I enjoyed writing this essay even though it was a very emotional experience.  My goal for this essay was to be very detailed and express the love and heartache I still experience from the loss of my grandfather.  I wanted the readers to be reminded of their grandparents and to think about their overall relationships.  Most people have grandparents or elderly people in their lives which they care a great deal, and I wanted to bring out that remembrance as they read the essay.  I didn’t use any brainstorming for this essay because I knew exactly what I wanted to say and how I was going to go about writing.  I think in the end the essay lacked a few details, but it was one of my favorites to write and I hope my readers enjoyed it too.

                As I have mentioned above, I have always thoroughly enjoyed writing.  This doesn’t mean I’m the best at it, but I like to be creative and figure out new ways to portray different situations on paper.  My view and confidence in my writing has only gotten stronger throughout this course.  The tips from peer reviews definitely helped me alter my essay and add more detail to provide the readers with a clearer image.  A few of the prompts were challenging to develop a topic to write about, but I think they came together well in the end.  I went back through my essays many times rereading them and altering details to make them stronger.  I used the tips from my classmates and took initiative on the aspects they said I should change.  I thoroughly enjoyed the writing for this class and am glad I decided to retake it to become a better writer.

Classification and Division Peer Review Kate Lemond

English 101 Classification & Division-Based Peer Review Sheet 

Writer’s Name & Title of Essay: Kate Lemond & Post High School, The D’s

Reader’s Name: Chelsea Adams

1.       Is the introductory paragraph interesting?  Why or why not? Does the introduction specify clearly what is to be classified and/or divided into groups?

I thought the paragraph was interesting, and yes it states that they are groups classifying people into what they did after high school.

2.       Is there a clear thesis statement?  Can you find a sentence (or two) that reveals the writer’s point or purpose for the classification and/or division?  Type the sentence(s) below that you believe to be the writer’s thesis statement.  If the thesis is implied, state it in your own words below. 

“I have observed many of these paths my peers from high school have followed”.

3.       Is the writer’s basis of classification clear (see “Notes on Classification and Division” posted June 2nd)? Why or why not?  By what means is the writer grouping his or her subject matter?

Yes her basis of classification is what her peers did after high school.  It was very easy to follow what she was talking about when she classified them into these groups.  The subject matter is her peers, and they are in different groups based on what they did after high school.

4.       Are the groups or categories clearly defined and uniquely named?  Do any seem to overlap or appear oversimplified or based on stereotypes?  Explain.

I think they were clearly named, and very creative.  There weren’t any overlaps or stereotypes.  I thought they were all very unique.

5.       Would the essay improve if the paragraphs were arranged differently?  Why/why not?  Note any paragraph that seems out of order.  Are the paragraphs connected to one another smoothly and logically?  Are there transitions between paragraphs that help you understand how the writer’s ideas are connected?  Explain.

The fourth paragraph down I think she meant for the military grouping to be a separated paragraph, but there needs to be an extra space to ensure the separation.

I would move the military classification as “The Disciplined” the paragraph under “The Determined”.  It seemed that she was classifying them in descending order of their importance or achievements and being in the military definitely deserves to be up higher on the list.  Other than that I thought the transitions were nice and the other paragraphs flowed.

6.       Do individual paragraphs seem well detailed?  What suggestions would you make about adding/subtracting specific examples to help illustrate the writer’s classification and/or division? 

I thought the paragraphs were very detailed and thoroughly explained each characteristic of group.  I think she has plenty of detail in all the groups, but adding more wouldn’t hurt.

7.       Are all of the writer’s paragraphs unified and coherent?  Indicate which paragraphs have any sentences that seem irrelevant (“unity” concerns) or out of order (“coherence” concerns).  

I thought all the paragraphs were in the right order except for the one I mentioned above about the military classification.  Everything else seems relevant and in the right place.

8.       Go back and read the first and last paragraph.  Has the writer fulfilled the obligations he or she established in the introduction?  Does the writer accomplish everything promised in the introduction, or does the essay go off track or seem to switch focus?  Why or why not?  How can the conclusion be improved?

The writer fulfilled her obligations to explain every classification of her peers as the embarked on with their lives after high school.  The essay stays on track and was a very enjoyable read.  I think the conclusion could be improved by adding a little more detail, and maybe instead of talking about dirt, mowed, or making a new trail she could restate her classifications in the essay.

9.       Now look at sentences.  Does the writer have sentences that strike you as effective because they include strong verbs, specific details, memorable phrases, or striking images?  Does the writer have any words they repeat too often, use incorrectly, or misspells?  Finally, does the writer have any tendencies for error they should be made aware of?  (Think comma splices, run-on sentences, or switches in verb tense, etc.) 

I thought the sentences were very effective.  They included strong verbs and images that I could envision what each category stood for.  I didn’t come across any repetition, or misspelled words.

10.   Write a summary comment that explains what you like best about the paper.  Then, describe the two features of the paper that most need improvement.  What suggestion(s) for overcoming these problems do you have?

I loved the tone of her essay, she uses kind of a sarcastic tone when talking about some of the classifications/groups and it really worked well.  I really enjoyed reading it.  I would improve the military classification and move it up next to the “Determined” group.  I didn’t see anything else that was wrong with the essay.

Definition Peer Review Lindsey Key

English 101 Definition-Based Peer Review Sheet 

Writer’s Name & Title of Essay: Lindsey Key & Why I Want A Mother

Reader’s Name: Chelsea Adams

1.       First of all, does the essay respond appropriately to the assignment: 1) Is the writer writing about a group or class that he or she is a member of?  (For example, a male shouldn’t be writing an “I Want a Girlfriend” essay; also an “I Want a Genie” essay would not be acceptable), or 2) Is the writer ranting against a pet peeve or current societal shortcoming?  Explain your answer.

The writer is writing to a group she is a member of; a mother.  She is explaining why she wants a mother exactly like the essay we read for class.  She did a great job!

2.       “I Want a Wife” is a good example of an essay with an implied thesis statement.  Does your writer have an explicit (stated) or implicit (implied) thesis?  If the thesis is clearly stated, re-write it below.  If the thesis is implied, write what you believe the thesis to be below.

Her thesis statement is implied as to explain throughout the paper why she would like a mother to do all the things she currently does.

3.       Is the writer’s term or concept sufficiently defined?  Why or why not?  What other information would help you “define” this term?

This is an extended definition of the type of mother Lindsey is.  She does a great job at explaining what kind of mother she is/wants.

4.       Do all of the paragraphs contribute to the development of the thesis?  Point out any paragraph(s) that you have difficulty relating to the thesis statement or definition. 

I think all of the paragraphs are relevant to the development of the thesis statement.  She relates all of them to the specific motherly duties she would like her mother to have.  I thought they all related to each other and flowed very nicely.

5.       Would the essay improve if the paragraphs were arranged differently?  Why/why not?  Note any paragraph that seems out of order.  Are the paragraphs connected to one another smoothly and logically?  Are there transitions between paragraphs that help you understand how the writer’s ideas are connected?  Explain.

I think she could combine a few paragraphs into one.  The second, third, fourth, and fifth paragraphs could be added together since they all seem to deal with waking up early and taking care of her son.  Other than that the rest of them flow nicely and are connected with smooth transitions.

6.       Do individual paragraphs seem well detailed?  What suggestions would you make about adding/subtracting specific details that would help define the writer’s term(s) or concept?  Does the writer utilize the different strategies of definition (see “Notes of Definition” posted June 1st)?  What strategy should the writer consider using more?  Explain your answer—why would this strategy be effective?

I thought the paragraphs maintained strenuous detail throughout the whole essay as to what she would like her mother to do.  She could add more detail, but I think it sounds great as is.  She utilized the different definition strategies by using an extended explanation of her motherly duties.

7.       Are all of the writer’s paragraphs unified and coherent?  Indicate which paragraphs have any sentences that seem irrelevant (“unity” concerns) or out of order (“coherence” concerns).  

I thought they were all relevant.  The phrase “make sure nothing ends up on the floor” is a little repetitive in my opinion, but it is also used to make a point of continuous messes which she has to clean up.

8.       Brady’s essay is also a good example of an effective tone…while not quite a rant, she definitely exudes frustration with society’s expectations of “wifely” duties.  Does the essay you’re reading have a similar tone?  What could the writer do to sound even more exasperated?

I thought the essay went along great with Brady’s essay.  Her tone wasn’t quite to the frustrated point it was more of an annoyed point of having to wake up in the morning, clean up messes, etc.  I think she could elaborate how many times she gets up with her son during the night, and if it is on a nightly basis.

9.       Now look at sentences.  Does the writer have sentences that strike you as effective because they include strong verbs, specific details, memorable phrases, or striking images?  Does the writer have any words they repeat too often, use incorrectly, or misspells?  Finally, does the writer have any tendencies for error they should be made aware of?  (Think comma splices, run-on sentences, or switches in verb tense, etc.) 

The only repetitive phrase I noticed was mentioned above, but she could probably just think of a different way to say she had to keep an eye on her son to make sure he would eat his food instead of throwing it around.  Other than that I didn’t notice anything else.

10.   Write a summary comment that explains what you like best about the paper.  Then, describe the two features of the paper that most need improvement.  What suggestion(s) for overcoming these problems do you have?

I think the detail in the paper and how it goes so well along with Brady’s essay are her strong points.  I would change the repetitive sentence, and also the tone of the essay to be a little more exasperated.  Other than that it was a great essay!

Process Peer Review Dayna Jefferson

English 101 Process-Based Peer Review Sheet 

Writer’s Name & Title of Essay: Dayna Jefferson & Off to Work I Go

Reader’s Name: Chelsea Adams

1.       Is the introductory paragraph interesting?  Why or why not? What does the writer give you to make you want to continue reading? Can you tell what strategy the writer is using to begin the essay (see handout)?

I thought the introductory paragraph was very interesting.  I couldn’t figure out where she worked so that made me interested to keep on reading.  She is using a process explanation throughout the essay to explain her job in detail.

2.       Is there a clear thesis statement?  Can you find a sentence (or two) that reveals the writer’s purpose?

The thesis statement is clear and located in the first paragraph.  The writer’s purpose is to explain her job, which she does in great detail.

3.       Type the sentence(s) below that you believe to be the writer’s thesis statement.  If the thesis is implied, state it in your own words below. 

               

                  "You check the resident assignmentsto see what hall you are in and no matter which  hall you are assigned to the outcome is still the same; you sigh and begin your day."

4.       Do all of the paragraphs contribute to the development of the thesis?  Is it clear to you how each of the paragraphs relate to the process the writer is examining?  Are any of the required steps or stages left out?  Point out any paragraph(s) that you have difficulty relating to the thesis statement or process. 

The paragraphs all relate to the development of the thesis explaining her day at work.  Yes each of the paragraphs relate to the process.  She explained it very well.  It didn’t seem like any steps were left out I got a good feel for what she does every day she goes into work.

She has the paragraphs arranged in chronological order of how she goes about her day so they are arranged in the order to best benefit the reader.

6.       Are the paragraphs connected to one another smoothly and logically?  Are there transitions between paragraphs that help you understand how the writer’s ideas are connected?  Do individual paragraphs seem well detailed? 

I think they transition very well from paragraph to paragraph.  The paper flowed smoothly and it was very easy to understand what step to take next.

What suggestions would you make about adding/subtracting specific details? 

She shouldn’t add more details to the essays, unless she added more emotional detail towards the residents living in the nursing home.  Other than that I would leave it as is.

7.       Are all of the writer’s paragraphs unified and coherent?  Indicate which paragraphs have any sentences that seem irrelevant (“unity” concerns) or out of order (“coherence” concerns).  

I would take out the sentence in the second paragraph—“Every card has a slot for every employee.”  This, in my opinion, is irrelevant to the process of each day she goes into work.  Everything else seems to be in the right place.

8.       Go back and read the first and last paragraph.  Has the writer fulfilled the obligations he or she established in the introduction?  Does the writer accomplish everything promised in the introduction, or does the essay go off track or seem to switch focus?  Why or why not?  How can the conclusion be improved?

I like how she concluded the essay with the same question she asked in the beginning.  She fulfilled the obligations established in the introduction by taking the reader throughout her job.  The essay didn’t go off track; it stayed with the process and explained it very well.  I thought the conclusion was great, but maybe a re-statement of the duties would help more conclude the entire essay.

9.       Now look at sentences.  Does the writer have sentences that strike you as effective because they include strong verbs, specific details, memorable phrases, or striking images?  Does the writer have any words they repeat too often, use incorrectly, or misspells?  Finally, does the writer have any tendencies for error they should be made aware of? (Think comma splices, run-on sentences, switches in verb tense, etc.) 

Her sentences were strong and included a lot of detail.  She did a great job at explaining her duties.  She doesn’t have any incorrect uses of words, but a few extra words could be eliminated through simple proofreading of the writer.

10.       Write a summary comment that explains what you like best about the paper.  Then, describe the two features of the paper that most need improvement.  What suggestion(s) for overcoming these problems do you have?

I liked the overall essay, I thought it was descriptive and a great read.  She could improve a few minor mistakes in wording through proofreading.  I also think she should remove the sentence in the second paragraph since it seemed irrelevant.

Illustration Peer Review (Mark Gregory)

English 101 Illustration-Based Peer Review Sheet 

Writer’s Name & Title of Essay:  Mark Gregory & Night Walker Essay

Reader’s Name: Chelsea Adams

1.       Is the introductory paragraph interesting?  Why or why not? What does the writer give you to make you want to continue reading? Can you tell what strategy the writer is using to begin the essay (see handout)?

I thought it was interesting, it makes me want to keep reading to find out why he has changed his overall view of the elderly.  He is using the strategy of an extended example to show what all he has learned from the elderly after changing his outlook.

2.       Is there a clear thesis statement?  Can you find a sentence (or two) that reveals the writer’s purpose?

I think the thesis statement is very clear.  There are many sentences in the essay that reveal the purpose of the essay.  His overall purpose is to encourage people to respect the elderly and their experiences when they were younger.

3.       Type the sentence(s) below that you believe to be the writer’s thesis statement.  If the thesis is implied, state it in your own words below. 

“I always used to hate it when old people would start telling me about stories from their past when I was younger.”

4.       Do all of the paragraphs contribute to the development of the thesis?  Point out any paragraph(s) that you have difficulty relating to the thesis statement or the point or purpose of the examples provided. 

All of the paragraphs flow nicely and contribute to the thesis statement.  He has a paragraph talking about his personal experiences with the elderly stories and talks about how people should be more respectful towards them in the end.  I thought everything was relevant.

5.       Would the essay improve if the paragraphs were arranged differently?  Why/why not?  Note any paragraph that seems out of order.  Are the paragraphs connected to one another smoothly and logically?  Are there transitions between paragraphs that help you understand how the writer’s ideas are connected?  Explain.

I think the paragraphs are arranged well and in the right order.  The paragraphs are connected to each other and transition smoothly.

6.       Do individual paragraphs seem well detailed?  What suggestions would you make about adding/subtracting specific examples to help illustrate the writer’s point or concept?

The paragraphs could use more detail.  He could show how horrible he felt when he realized how disrespectful he had been towards the elderly in his younger years.  He could also show more of his eagerness to listen when he talks to an older person after realizing they deserve more respect.

7.       Are all of the writer’s paragraphs unified and coherent?  Indicate which paragraphs have any sentences that seem irrelevant (“unity” concerns) or out of order (“coherence” concerns).  

I think the information in the paragraphs are all either examples of what he has learned, or why he was reluctant to listen to their stories.  I think it all is relevant and in the right order.

8.       Go back and read the first and last paragraph.  Has the writer fulfilled the obligations he or she established in the introduction?  Does the writer accomplish everything promised in the introduction, or does the essay go off track or seem to switch focus?  Why or why not?  How can the conclusion be improved?

I think he fulfilled the obligations he established in the introduction because he explains how he has become more respectful towards the elderly now.  He also explains reasons as to why he is more respectful, and things he has learned from listening.  The conclusion could be improved by trimming down the size of the paragraph.  He could have a paragraph explaining what he learned after he decided to sit down and listen, and then conclude all the details he discussed in the essay.

9.       Now look at sentences.  Does the writer have sentences that strike you as effective because they include strong verbs, specific details, memorable phrases, or striking images?  Does the writer have any words they repeat too often, use incorrectly, or misspells?  Finally, does the writer have any tendencies for error they should be made aware of?  (Think comma splices, run-on sentences, or switches in verb tense, etc.) 

The sentences seem to be strong, a few have misplaced words which could be fixed through simple proofreading by the writer.  In my opinion I would eliminate the phrase “old people” and use “the elderly”, or simply “elderly”.  The rest of the essay could be reviewed by the reader to fix a few simple mistakes to make sure he is saying what he wants to say.

10.   Write a summary comment that explains what you like best about the paper.  Then, describe the two features of the paper that most need improvement.  What suggestion(s) for overcoming these problems do you have?

I liked how he expressed his outlook being changed and developing more respect for the elderly within his paper.  I think there are just a few mistakes which could be addressed through a read-through.  Also the last would be to refer to older people as elderly instead of “old people”.

How to Con an Instructor (Revised)

How to Con an Instrustor (Revised)


As you enter college, you'll soon be reminded of the old saying: “The pen is mightier than the
sword.”  The person behind the instructor's desk holds your future in his or her ink-stained hands. 
So your first important assignment in college has nothing to do with the usual course work, but instead how to con an instructor. 

The first step in conning an instructor is to use different types of engaging body language. You want to convince your instructor of your eagerness to learn by actions rather than words alone.  One way you can achieve this is by sitting in the front row.  This way you are in the instructor's line of vision and will be looked upon first before they advance their eyes to the back of the room.  Taking notes during lectures is another effective technique to show interest in the class.   The instructor will physically be able to see your interest in the class. While you are writing, be sure to smile at the instructor's jokes and nod when in agreement with major points.  Most importantly as class continues, be sure to practice great posture.  An example of this is to lean slightly in towards the instructor and your eyes open ready to learn.

Once you have mastered body language, you can now move to the second phase known as class participation.  Students who are eager to learn, show this by being responsive during lectures.  It is always a good idea to review the material before class and formulate a few questions to ask during lectures.  This shows you are prepared for class and you have motivation to actually understand the material.  Even asking the professor to repeat some key parts of the lecture will show them that you are paying attention instead of day dreaming.

The most advanced form of conning an instructor happens after class.  Don’t be like the others who slap their notebooks closed, snatch up their books, and rush out the door before the echoes of the final bell have died away.  Instead of most students who get restless about five minutes before class ends, be reluctant to leave.  Approach the instructor’s desk and ask where you could go to find out more on the topic.  If there is any extra reading you could do, find out where to get the material.  This shows interest in the class and helps you to take a more personal approach which is one of the best ways to show you care. 
      
Body language, questions, after-class discussions are the secrets of conning an instructor that every college student should know.  These kinds of things go on in high school, too, and they’re just as effective on
that level.  Once you master these methods, you won’t have to worry about a thing until the final
exam.

Think Before You Speak

                The saying “you are what you eat” is comparable to “you are what you say”.  I think in some situations, they differ in the sense that a person’s mediocre vocabulary shows less knowledge compared to an advanced vocabulary.  A lot of first impressions are developed on the way you speak, act, and their word choice.  When going for an interview it is important to select the words you want to use wisely to both impress and not confuse the interviewer.  A vocabulary too advanced can also send a very different and negative message which is not the overall goal of the interview.

My vocabulary throughout the years of college has increased dramatically when looking back through my old English papers.  A weak vocabulary often says a lot about the person you are.  It usually shows illiteracy, or immaturity when writing essays or speaking in public.  It is very difficult to show an impressive vocabulary when the world is based around new types of slang which are becoming more evident over time.  In my life I usually based my vocabulary off of others trying to relate to the latest slang phrases.  I took many vocabulary classes but didn’t study with enough repetition to learn the material instead of memorizing it to pass the upcoming exam.

                I am from a small town in Oklahoma where our southern accents are often looked down upon as you get older.  Many people relate southern accents with illiteracy thanks to all the movies and stereotypes developed throughout the years.  The process of beating the stereotypical views of a professional organization is difficult, but advancing your vocabulary can help improve the positive emphasis of a first impression.

                Throughout my life the particular slang I have used is comparable to the ones my friends and people around me have also used.  Spending vast amounts of time around different people helps you to develop slang among your groups of friends.  When I was in middle school a popular slang word commonly used by peers and myself was “Sup?”.   This expression was in the title of our school newspaper and was used frequently throughout the school.  This is just an example of a specific slang expression used when I was in middle school.  There are many more slang expressions which were used throughout the years depending on the popularity of such slang words and phrases.

                At the time this said I was a follower of the popular crowd in middle school.  I was extremely athletic and my friends as well were involved in many different sports.  It showed my interests were in sports, as well as wanting to fit in and be included among the more popular crowd in school.  Many other terms were used such as quotes from celebrities which we tried to ignorantly model our lives after as well as other popular figures that made an impact.  I was first influenced when reading a book which contained many unfamiliar words.  I started to study and become more familiar with these words in an attempt to better understand the book.  This has helped me in a number of ways to increase my professional standing as well as give me more confidence.

                As I grew older I became more aware of why certain slang words were popular to use either by simply copying a popular celebrity figure or fitting in.  I also started to develop an interest when I was in high school of furthering my vocabulary.  I tried to enhance it so that I would sound smarter and be able to communicate better with my parents and other adults.  I wanted to portray myself as a credible individual and I thought the only way to do that was through advancing my vocabulary.  It also made me stand out among my peers which are my future competition in the job market.

                I now still advance my vocabulary even as I write papers by searching through a thesaurus and finding different words which can elevate my understanding as well.  I thoroughly enjoy forcing myself to learn more words and become more familiar with the English language.  I now have more confidence in myself to hold a professional conversation with professors and people who are much older.  Since I have worked so hard to advance my vocabulary I think my overall first impression is more positive when communicating with adults.  I feel as though I put myself at an advantage by caring enough to build my vocabulary over the years.  In the long run it has taught me to be patient and that learning new things is challenging but your overall impression will benefit in the long run.