English 101 Definition-Based Peer Review Sheet
Writer’s Name & Title of Essay: Lindsey Key & Why I Want A Mother
Reader’s Name: Chelsea Adams
1. First of all, does the essay respond appropriately to the assignment: 1) Is the writer writing about a group or class that he or she is a member of? (For example, a male shouldn’t be writing an “I Want a Girlfriend” essay; also an “I Want a Genie” essay would not be acceptable), or 2) Is the writer ranting against a pet peeve or current societal shortcoming? Explain your answer.
The writer is writing to a group she is a member of; a mother. She is explaining why she wants a mother exactly like the essay we read for class. She did a great job!
2. “I Want a Wife” is a good example of an essay with an implied thesis statement. Does your writer have an explicit (stated) or implicit (implied) thesis? If the thesis is clearly stated, re-write it below. If the thesis is implied, write what you believe the thesis to be below.
Her thesis statement is implied as to explain throughout the paper why she would like a mother to do all the things she currently does.
3. Is the writer’s term or concept sufficiently defined? Why or why not? What other information would help you “define” this term?
This is an extended definition of the type of mother Lindsey is. She does a great job at explaining what kind of mother she is/wants.
4. Do all of the paragraphs contribute to the development of the thesis? Point out any paragraph(s) that you have difficulty relating to the thesis statement or definition.
I think all of the paragraphs are relevant to the development of the thesis statement. She relates all of them to the specific motherly duties she would like her mother to have. I thought they all related to each other and flowed very nicely.
5. Would the essay improve if the paragraphs were arranged differently? Why/why not? Note any paragraph that seems out of order. Are the paragraphs connected to one another smoothly and logically? Are there transitions between paragraphs that help you understand how the writer’s ideas are connected? Explain.
I think she could combine a few paragraphs into one. The second, third, fourth, and fifth paragraphs could be added together since they all seem to deal with waking up early and taking care of her son. Other than that the rest of them flow nicely and are connected with smooth transitions.
6. Do individual paragraphs seem well detailed? What suggestions would you make about adding/subtracting specific details that would help define the writer’s term(s) or concept? Does the writer utilize the different strategies of definition (see “Notes of Definition” posted June 1st)? What strategy should the writer consider using more? Explain your answer—why would this strategy be effective?
I thought the paragraphs maintained strenuous detail throughout the whole essay as to what she would like her mother to do. She could add more detail, but I think it sounds great as is. She utilized the different definition strategies by using an extended explanation of her motherly duties.
7. Are all of the writer’s paragraphs unified and coherent? Indicate which paragraphs have any sentences that seem irrelevant (“unity” concerns) or out of order (“coherence” concerns).
I thought they were all relevant. The phrase “make sure nothing ends up on the floor” is a little repetitive in my opinion, but it is also used to make a point of continuous messes which she has to clean up.
8. Brady’s essay is also a good example of an effective tone…while not quite a rant, she definitely exudes frustration with society’s expectations of “wifely” duties. Does the essay you’re reading have a similar tone? What could the writer do to sound even more exasperated?
I thought the essay went along great with Brady’s essay. Her tone wasn’t quite to the frustrated point it was more of an annoyed point of having to wake up in the morning, clean up messes, etc. I think she could elaborate how many times she gets up with her son during the night, and if it is on a nightly basis.
9. Now look at sentences. Does the writer have sentences that strike you as effective because they include strong verbs, specific details, memorable phrases, or striking images? Does the writer have any words they repeat too often, use incorrectly, or misspells? Finally, does the writer have any tendencies for error they should be made aware of? (Think comma splices, run-on sentences, or switches in verb tense, etc.)
The only repetitive phrase I noticed was mentioned above, but she could probably just think of a different way to say she had to keep an eye on her son to make sure he would eat his food instead of throwing it around. Other than that I didn’t notice anything else.
10. Write a summary comment that explains what you like best about the paper. Then, describe the two features of the paper that most need improvement. What suggestion(s) for overcoming these problems do you have?
I think the detail in the paper and how it goes so well along with Brady’s essay are her strong points. I would change the repetitive sentence, and also the tone of the essay to be a little more exasperated. Other than that it was a great essay!
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