English 101 Illustration-Based Peer Review Sheet
Writer’s Name & Title of Essay: Mark Gregory & Night Walker Essay
Reader’s Name: Chelsea Adams
1. Is the introductory paragraph interesting? Why or why not? What does the writer give you to make you want to continue reading? Can you tell what strategy the writer is using to begin the essay (see handout)?
I thought it was interesting, it makes me want to keep reading to find out why he has changed his overall view of the elderly. He is using the strategy of an extended example to show what all he has learned from the elderly after changing his outlook.
2. Is there a clear thesis statement? Can you find a sentence (or two) that reveals the writer’s purpose?
I think the thesis statement is very clear. There are many sentences in the essay that reveal the purpose of the essay. His overall purpose is to encourage people to respect the elderly and their experiences when they were younger.
3. Type the sentence(s) below that you believe to be the writer’s thesis statement. If the thesis is implied, state it in your own words below.
“I always used to hate it when old people would start telling me about stories from their past when I was younger.”
4. Do all of the paragraphs contribute to the development of the thesis? Point out any paragraph(s) that you have difficulty relating to the thesis statement or the point or purpose of the examples provided.
All of the paragraphs flow nicely and contribute to the thesis statement. He has a paragraph talking about his personal experiences with the elderly stories and talks about how people should be more respectful towards them in the end. I thought everything was relevant.
5. Would the essay improve if the paragraphs were arranged differently? Why/why not? Note any paragraph that seems out of order. Are the paragraphs connected to one another smoothly and logically? Are there transitions between paragraphs that help you understand how the writer’s ideas are connected? Explain.
I think the paragraphs are arranged well and in the right order. The paragraphs are connected to each other and transition smoothly.
6. Do individual paragraphs seem well detailed? What suggestions would you make about adding/subtracting specific examples to help illustrate the writer’s point or concept?
The paragraphs could use more detail. He could show how horrible he felt when he realized how disrespectful he had been towards the elderly in his younger years. He could also show more of his eagerness to listen when he talks to an older person after realizing they deserve more respect.
7. Are all of the writer’s paragraphs unified and coherent? Indicate which paragraphs have any sentences that seem irrelevant (“unity” concerns) or out of order (“coherence” concerns).
I think the information in the paragraphs are all either examples of what he has learned, or why he was reluctant to listen to their stories. I think it all is relevant and in the right order.
8. Go back and read the first and last paragraph. Has the writer fulfilled the obligations he or she established in the introduction? Does the writer accomplish everything promised in the introduction, or does the essay go off track or seem to switch focus? Why or why not? How can the conclusion be improved?
I think he fulfilled the obligations he established in the introduction because he explains how he has become more respectful towards the elderly now. He also explains reasons as to why he is more respectful, and things he has learned from listening. The conclusion could be improved by trimming down the size of the paragraph. He could have a paragraph explaining what he learned after he decided to sit down and listen, and then conclude all the details he discussed in the essay.
9. Now look at sentences. Does the writer have sentences that strike you as effective because they include strong verbs, specific details, memorable phrases, or striking images? Does the writer have any words they repeat too often, use incorrectly, or misspells? Finally, does the writer have any tendencies for error they should be made aware of? (Think comma splices, run-on sentences, or switches in verb tense, etc.)
The sentences seem to be strong, a few have misplaced words which could be fixed through simple proofreading by the writer. In my opinion I would eliminate the phrase “old people” and use “the elderly”, or simply “elderly”. The rest of the essay could be reviewed by the reader to fix a few simple mistakes to make sure he is saying what he wants to say.
10. Write a summary comment that explains what you like best about the paper. Then, describe the two features of the paper that most need improvement. What suggestion(s) for overcoming these problems do you have?
I liked how he expressed his outlook being changed and developing more respect for the elderly within his paper. I think there are just a few mistakes which could be addressed through a read-through. Also the last would be to refer to older people as elderly instead of “old people”.
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