English 101 Process-Based Peer Review Sheet
Writer’s Name & Title of Essay: Dayna Jefferson & Off to Work I Go
Reader’s Name: Chelsea Adams
1. Is the introductory paragraph interesting? Why or why not? What does the writer give you to make you want to continue reading? Can you tell what strategy the writer is using to begin the essay (see handout)?
I thought the introductory paragraph was very interesting. I couldn’t figure out where she worked so that made me interested to keep on reading. She is using a process explanation throughout the essay to explain her job in detail.
2. Is there a clear thesis statement? Can you find a sentence (or two) that reveals the writer’s purpose?
The thesis statement is clear and located in the first paragraph. The writer’s purpose is to explain her job, which she does in great detail.
3. Type the sentence(s) below that you believe to be the writer’s thesis statement. If the thesis is implied, state it in your own words below.
"You check the resident assignmentsto see what hall you are in and no matter which hall you are assigned to the outcome is still the same; you sigh and begin your day."
4. Do all of the paragraphs contribute to the development of the thesis? Is it clear to you how each of the paragraphs relate to the process the writer is examining? Are any of the required steps or stages left out? Point out any paragraph(s) that you have difficulty relating to the thesis statement or process.
The paragraphs all relate to the development of the thesis explaining her day at work. Yes each of the paragraphs relate to the process. She explained it very well. It didn’t seem like any steps were left out I got a good feel for what she does every day she goes into work.
She has the paragraphs arranged in chronological order of how she goes about her day so they are arranged in the order to best benefit the reader.
6. Are the paragraphs connected to one another smoothly and logically? Are there transitions between paragraphs that help you understand how the writer’s ideas are connected? Do individual paragraphs seem well detailed?
I think they transition very well from paragraph to paragraph. The paper flowed smoothly and it was very easy to understand what step to take next.
What suggestions would you make about adding/subtracting specific details?
She shouldn’t add more details to the essays, unless she added more emotional detail towards the residents living in the nursing home. Other than that I would leave it as is.
7. Are all of the writer’s paragraphs unified and coherent? Indicate which paragraphs have any sentences that seem irrelevant (“unity” concerns) or out of order (“coherence” concerns).
I would take out the sentence in the second paragraph—“Every card has a slot for every employee.” This, in my opinion, is irrelevant to the process of each day she goes into work. Everything else seems to be in the right place.
8. Go back and read the first and last paragraph. Has the writer fulfilled the obligations he or she established in the introduction? Does the writer accomplish everything promised in the introduction, or does the essay go off track or seem to switch focus? Why or why not? How can the conclusion be improved?
I like how she concluded the essay with the same question she asked in the beginning. She fulfilled the obligations established in the introduction by taking the reader throughout her job. The essay didn’t go off track; it stayed with the process and explained it very well. I thought the conclusion was great, but maybe a re-statement of the duties would help more conclude the entire essay.
9. Now look at sentences. Does the writer have sentences that strike you as effective because they include strong verbs, specific details, memorable phrases, or striking images? Does the writer have any words they repeat too often, use incorrectly, or misspells? Finally, does the writer have any tendencies for error they should be made aware of? (Think comma splices, run-on sentences, switches in verb tense, etc.)
Her sentences were strong and included a lot of detail. She did a great job at explaining her duties. She doesn’t have any incorrect uses of words, but a few extra words could be eliminated through simple proofreading of the writer.
10. Write a summary comment that explains what you like best about the paper. Then, describe the two features of the paper that most need improvement. What suggestion(s) for overcoming these problems do you have?
I liked the overall essay, I thought it was descriptive and a great read. She could improve a few minor mistakes in wording through proofreading. I also think she should remove the sentence in the second paragraph since it seemed irrelevant.
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